Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
