I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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