That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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