hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
