I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
