you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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