last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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