Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
