I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
