In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
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Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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