My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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