The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
