i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
