The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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