This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
