help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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