I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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