Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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