Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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