I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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