i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
