is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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