Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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