he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
