i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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