That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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