Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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