I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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