i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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