yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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