No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
