bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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