you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
