the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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