when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
