Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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