I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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