Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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