then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
