well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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