Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
