Will you blow on my dice?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
