just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
