I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
