ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
