So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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