i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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