I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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