Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
