remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
