My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When are your genitals available?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
