she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
