I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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