Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
