I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
