So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
