Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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