What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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