i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
