Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
