How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
