Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
