theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
