i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
