Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize