I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i will never coherently bang her
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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