just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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