On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
