Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
