WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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