they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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