I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
