I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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