I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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