I hate your face
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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