currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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