So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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