My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
