Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
