I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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