and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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